He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
