So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize