Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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