not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
