Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
