Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
