wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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