I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
