I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
