So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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