before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
It's not a walk of shame if you run
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
