I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
