He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
