I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
