Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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