we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
