I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
