i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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