Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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