SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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