Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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