i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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