Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
