Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
