I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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