Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
