He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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