Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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