Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
