Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
