So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
