It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
false alarm, still single
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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