I murdered the dance floor call the cops
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
