I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
