So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
