I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I should be sponsored by Trojan
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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