Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
