We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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