i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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