I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
