sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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