I have demons in me.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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