Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
