so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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