I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
