Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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