THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize