I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
