Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
