big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
