I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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