my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
