My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
operation have a gay friend backfired
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
