somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
