I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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