Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
