It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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