Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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