You're my little dorito
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize