i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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