God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
